Interviews with Members of the Flock!
by Jelly Princess
Summary: Basically, this is a collection of interviews I had with members of the flock. Fax, Eggy, Mylan dies in a hole, you get the idea. R&R for cookies! And bacon! And other delicious-ness!
1. Dylan

**Atom:** Hello, hello! *waves* This is me, Atom, and I'm here today with Dylan, who claims to be "Max's perfect other half" (*cough* like THAT'LL happen *cough*). We are currently at Dairy Queen, because Dylan refused to talk to me unless I bought him ice cream. *eats m&m's blizzard*

**A: **So, Dylan, why do you think Max should choose you over Fang?

**Dylan: **Because I am hot and sexy and love Justin Beiber.

**A: **O_o

**D:** ...why are you staring at me like that? Wait, let me guess... uhm...

_-five minutes later-_

**D: **uh... uh... uh...

**A: ***gasps in mock amazement* How did you know?

**D: ***smirk* I'm just SO COOL.

**A: **Yeah. Right. *eyeroll* Anyways... so, do you enjoy being a bird kid?

**D: **YA IT"S LYKE TEH BOMB.

**A: **...eh?

**D: **BEING A BIRD KID IS LIKE SO RADICAL DUDE.

**A: **Right. *shuffles through notecards*

**D: ***stuffs faces with ice cream* So whut is teh next question?

**A: **Why do you like Max?

**D: **She has the sexiest hair in the universe.

**A: **...that's it?

**D: **um... er... uh... *thinks really hard for a few minutes* ...yeah.

**A: **So, you don't like her because she's saved the world, spoken in front of the government, can breathe underwater, and is an awesome ruler of the flock? You just like her hair?

**D: **...yeah?

**A: ***exasperated sigh*

**D: ***shouts to random pedestrians* HEY DID YOU KNOW THAT I'M A BIRD KID AND THAT I AM WAY COOLER THAN YOU?

**A: **So modest, too.

**D: **One of my many charms.

**A: **If you think negative five hundred is many, then yes, you have many charms.

**D: **OMG I HAVE NEGATIVE FIVE HUNDRED CHARMS? *squeals*

**A: **Augh! Not the high-pitched squeal! *puts on ear muffs until he stops squealing* Ah, that's better. Dylan, how did you react when you were told Max and you had to... *shudder* start a flock?

**D: **I was OVERJOYED! Me and Maxi Pad can't WAIT to have kids!

**A: ***grimace* It's Max and I.

**D: **Oh, whatever.

**A: **And, seriously? MAXI PAD? What kind of nickname is THAT?

**D: **The nickname kind?

**A: **I will regret this interview for as long as I live.

**D: **That's not very nice.

**A: **If you insult me, I will lock you up in a room full of... *dramatic music* FANGirls.

**D: **AH! NOT THE FAX FANS!

**A: **Muahaha.

**D: **PLEASE DON'T HURT ME I'LL DO ANYTHING.

**A: **Anything, you say? Anything at all?

**D: **Yes, anything!

**A: **Okay, never hit on Max again.

**D: **What? I can't do that! Max is my perfect other half. Of course, I'm the more perfect one, but Max is uber-sexy too, so whatever.

**A: **...you're foaming at the mouth.

**D: **RAWRG. NO I'M NOT.

**A: **Calm down!

**D: **RAWURGH.

**A: **Um... LOOK! *points* It's Justin Beiber!

**D: **OMG! *runs blindly into wall*

**A: ***snicker*

**D: **Ow... what just happened?

**A: **You ran into a wall.

**D: **Is that why my head hurts?

**A: ***sarcasm* No, your head hurts because I'm controlling your brain right now.

**D: **You are...?

**A: **Yes. Go get me a frozen yogurt.

**D: **Okay, master. *wanders off to Yogurtland, the most uber frozen yogurt place EVAH*

**A: **Yay! Yogurt! But it will probably take Dylan a week to get there and then a few more weeks to remember why he was there and how to get back... hmm.

**D: ***comes back in* I got you some yogurt.

**A: **You did? How did you get it so fast?

**D: **I stole it off some guy in the street.

**A: **WHAT? *runs outside*

**Random dude: **SOMEONE JUST STOLE MY YOGURT! RAWR!

**A: **Uh... here! *shoves yogurt into hands and runs back inside*

**D: **So, what is my next command, master?

**A: **...stop creeping me out. I, uh, have withdrawn from controlling your mind now.

**D: **WOAH! Someone just controlled my mind?

**A: ***facepalm*

**D: **Am I done with these stupid questions?

**A: **Er, no. Just a few more. What are your hobbies?

**D: **I like showing off to Max. And printing out Justin Beiber posters from the internet. And singing. *starts to sing* BABY YOU'RE A FIIIIIIREWORK! COME ON SHOW EM WHAAAAAT YOU'RE WORTH!

**A: ***puts on earmuffs*

**D: ***stops singing* Aren't I FABULOUS?

**A: **Yeah, sure, whatever. Next question - on a scale of one to ten how much do you hate Fang?

**D: **With ten as...?

**A: **You hate him with every fiber of your being.

**D: **939,057,483,969,036,789.

**Random FANGirls: **GET HIM, GIRLS! *attacks Dylan with shovels, glitter, etc.*

**A: **Thank you for reading this FABULOUS, or however fabulous as being with Dylan can be, interview! Brought to you by Atmospheric, Atom for short. Keeping watching out for more humiliating, hysterically funny, awesome, and Fax-y interviews with the Flock. Now, there is a matter of business I must attend to... *starts throwing things at Dylan*

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Maximum Ride... yet. Dylan was not killed in the making of this interview, however he may have a possible skull fracture and other serious injuries. Thank you, FANGirls!**

**A/N: Fax forever. Reviews are welcome with virtual cookies, etc. Flames are welcome- they keep me warm and toasty at night!**


	2. Total

**Riiight. So, it's been a while, but I couldn't think of who to interview. :/  
I also CHANGED MY PEN NAME. Which means I'll be 'J' not 'A' now. Kay? **

**Decide for me, reviwers! Every time you review, say who you think should be interviewed next.  
But here's Total now! (if the story sucks, forgive me.)**

* * *

**J: **Hey all, it's Jelly here ONCE AGAIN, with Total, the talking, flying dog.

**T: **Thank you everybody! I must say, it is a pleasure to be here, and I'd like to thank my beautiful wife Akila, for her unwavering-

**J: **Yeah, yeah, I get it, no one likes a suck-up and I'm still going to humiliate you and post it on FanFiction.

**T: ***whimpers*

**J: ***evil grin* So, Total, sausage or bacon?

**T: ***blank stare*

**J: **Maybe breakfast wasn't the way to go...

**T: **No, no. Um, I like both. With pancakes and lots of syrup. And fried eggs, not too brown...

**J: **So you're a picky eater.

**T: ***offended* Picky? How dare you call me something so insulting!

**J: **If it makes you feel better, I'll call you loyal and majestic.

**T: **Really?

**J: **No. Moving on! So, what is it like being Angel's partner-in-trying-to-take-over-the-flock?

**T: **Hey, I had nothing to do with that one.

**J: **Which one?

**T: **You sound bitter about something.

**J: **She started out this adorable little 6-year old and then turned EVIL.

**T: **She was not evil! She rescued me from my cage!

**J: **And Max would have left you behind if Angel hadn't used her mind-controlling powers to convince Max to let you come along for her own benefit.

**T: **Don't talk about it.

**J: **Fine. Who's your favorite member of the Flock?

**T: **Angel. She rescued me from that horrific dog cage. No pun intended.

**J: **And least favorite?

**T: **Definitely Dylan. I mean, who doesn't hate him?

**J: **You'd be surprised. Why do you hate him, exactly?

**T: **What, you don't?

**J: **Well... okay, yes I do. He ruins the FAX.

**T: **Fax?

**J: **Fang and Max.

**T: **There should be a Total and Akila - Takila!

**J: **Tequila? Not sure you're of a legal drinking age...

**T: **No, no, Total and Akila combined.

**J: **Oh, that makes more sense. And I'm not sure...

**T: **Yeah, dogs really shouldn't drink alcohol.

**J: **You're no ordinary dog though. And you can survive gourmet foods all the time.

**T: **I take it you're referring to my pancakes exclusively from Paris? Or my Bolivian bacon?

**J: **Um... no. I didn't know you had Paris pancakes or Bolivian bacon... HEY! They're both alliterations!

**T: ***stares*

**J:** ...What?

**T: **Nothing.

**J: **Obviously it's something or you wouldn't be staring at me like that.

**T: **I have no idea what you're talking about.

**J: **...You're a bad liar.

**T: **I am not!

**J: **Yes you are.

**T: **No I'm not!

**J: **Yes you are.

**T: **NO I'M NOT!

**J: ***snicker* So, Total, what's your take on... bathing?

**T: **You're crazy.

**J: **Says the talking dog.

**T: ***glares*

**J: **Fine, I'll drop it.

**T: ***continues to glare*

**J: **You remind me of my friend Emma when you do that.

**T: **Is she a dog?

**J: **Nah, she's a magical Unicorn.

**T: **Really?

**J: **Nope. She's a human being. *giggle* I can't believe you fell for that one!

**T: **That's it! *attacks*

**J: ***screams and runs as Total chases her growling*

**Angel: ***comes into room and picks up Total*

**J: **Angel, you're not supposed to be interviewed yet.

**A: **So you want me to leave you to an angry Total?

**T: ***growls*

**J: **Uh, no, just, er... *whimper* CALM HIM DOWN PLEASE.

**A: ***soothes Total*

**T: **Humph.

**A: **I don't want to walk in to see you attacking the crazy girl again, okay?

**J: **Hey!

**T: **Fine.

**A: **Thank you. *leaves*

**J: **So, Total... tell me about yourself. *visibly shaken*

**T: **Well, I come from a very regal line of important and beautiful dogs...

**J: ***doodles on clipboard*

**T: ***continues blabbing*

-15 minutes later-

**T: **My mother was a beautiful dog-

**J: ***runs out of room on clipboard*Well thank you for that very interesting story, Total, but we're out of room (and time and interest) so GOOD-BYE!

**T: **But I haven't even told you the story of my father's- *is dragged out of room by security guards*

* * *

**Wow, Total is kind of boring. NEVER INTERVIEW HIM, GUYS.**

**So anyways, I've been thinking. Some girl on FanFiction has captured Iggy, and St. Fang of Boredom has captured Fang.  
**

**...****I need my own Maximum Ride captive.**

**Any suggestions? R&R! **


End file.
